The Hipster’s Guide to the Premier League 2012/13


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The 2012-13 Premier League season has now ceased and whilst the rest of Europe has been down with one type of football for a while now, England has yet to usher in its own era of Hipster Football. Although once it’s arrived, they’ll all likely be off to support the Hoxton Harriers, Shoreditch Wanderers or any other non-league team they can buy ill-fitting merchandise for.

In the meantime, I decided to give them a rundown of the Premier League’s Hipster XI for 2012-13 and where they can choose not to catch them next season. Wouldn’t want them to get too popular, after all…

Formation – Thinking about it, this should be completely random and the old W-M came into my head. The favoured formation amongst Europe’s football hipsters seems to be 4-2-3-1 so I’ve obliged, begrudgingly.

GK – Simon Mignolet (Sunderland) – Belgium is the new favourite of football hipsters everywhere and the Sunderland keeper, arguably, isn’t even the country’s first choice. Now that’s under the radar.

RB – Pablo Zabaleta (Man City) – Not the side’s most fashionable of players but someone that everyone bloody loves and the hipsters have obviously been there from the start, so how could he be denied a place?!

CB – Javi Garcia (Man City) – Like Javier Mascherano has done at Barca, Javi Martinez at Athletic Bilbao and Bayern Munich, and Daniele De Rossi for Italy, a hipster PL XI is nothing without a defensive midfielder playing at centre back. Garcia did so rather unsuccessfully for Citeh this year. There’s always next year though.

CB – Paul Scharner (Wigan) – Can’t remember many other Austrians that have played in the Premier League and being at miraculous Wigan TWICE can’t fail to impress them football hipsters.

LB – Neil Taylor (Swansea) – A key-cog in the hipster-cum-wierdo Brendan Rodgers’ South Wales experiment and became injured (deliberately?) when he realised Bren was off. Expect a £20m bid from Anfield this summer.

DMC – Nuri Sahin (Liverpool/Real Madrid/Dortmund) – How could we leave out the multi-club man?! Comes from the home of hipster football over in Western Germany and tried but ultimately failed in Spain and England. Now back in hipster land, I doff my hat to you, Nuri.

DMC – Ben Watson (Wigan) – Roberto Martinez wanted to build his free-flowing Wigan team around the ginger magician. He broke his leg. The comeback gig went well. Not well enough though. Now on the outer London pub circuit aka the Championship.

LW – Shinji Kagawa (Manchester United) – Okay, so I’ve cheated a bit here as he came from the side that invented the football hipster. The Japanese is still slightly under the radar on these shores though.

AMC – Gaston Ramirez (Southampton) – South American playmakers that join the lesser lights of the Premier League are always lauded upon. Ramirez has had a quiet season and has that evil side that a certain Eric Cantona once perfected. Couldn’t be without a Maverick in this side.

RW – Kevin Mirallas (Everton) – He’s Belgian. He’s quick. He’s not as famous as Eden Hazard. He’ll probably be playing under Roberto Martinez next season.

ST – Ricky van Wolfswinkel (Soon to be Norwich City record signing) – He hasn’t played a game for Norwich yet and we couldn’t have a hipster XI without a completely-unknown-quantity-that-people-have-been-raving-about-on-Football-Manager-for-years. Also, his name could easily be that of a fledgling indie synth-pop band. What more could a hipster want?


One thought on “The Hipster’s Guide to the Premier League 2012/13

  1. Pingback: Dan the Man for Palace | JAMIEHINKS

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